I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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