I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
