I love black thongs
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
