Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
