I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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