grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?