just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Did you pee in the oven last night??