Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?

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(908): View more from New Jersey

Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.

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(612): View more from Minnesota

Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(804): View more from Virginia

don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you

(1-804): View more from Virginia

couldn't find a condom?

(804): View more from Virginia

basically

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(972): View more from Texas

The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way

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(604): View more from British Columbia

My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas

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(315): View more from New York

I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit

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