Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn