Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
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I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
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I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.