she was so not down for the gang bang
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
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the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
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he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.