Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(407): View more from Florida

My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.

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(307): View more from Wyoming

I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..

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(612): View more from Minnesota

Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.

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(313): View more from Michigan

so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.

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25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
Read it at the TFLN blog
(773): View more from Illinois

Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.

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(503): View more from Oregon

Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"

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(972): View more from Texas

Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off

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