I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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