Texts From Last Night

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  (443): View more from Maryland

  The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.

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  (443): The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion. http://tfl.nu/57n6
  Replies (31) Good night (746) Bad night (4697)
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  (469): View more from Texas

  I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.

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  (469): I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep. http://tfl.nu/j5ig
  Replies (9) Good night (5345) Bad night (768)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner

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  (413): also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner http://tfl.nu/h4oj
  Replies (4) Good night (2303) Bad night (1139)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.

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  (512): I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me. http://tfl.nu/y2u9
  Replies (10) Good night (1031) Bad night (3304)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed

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  (210): BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed http://tfl.nu/opf8
  Replies (6) Good night (1635) Bad night (694)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup

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  (978): karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup http://tfl.nu/ujf4
  Replies (8) Good night (1708) Bad night (734)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.

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  (503): College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk. http://tfl.nu/e4bz
  Replies (12) Good night (1019) Bad night (4285)
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  (914): View more from New York

  My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?

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  (914): My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis? http://tfl.nu/29es
  Replies (14) Good night (536) Bad night (1774)
• Favorite

  (320): View more from Minnesota

  He won't sleep with me again until I commit...

  (1-320): View more from Minnesota

  Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.

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  (320): He won't sleep with me again until I commit... (1-320): Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick. http://tfl.nu/wb9n
  Replies (11) Good night (2147) Bad night (1389)
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.

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  (240): YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN. http://tfl.nu/d5pr
  Replies (12) Good night (2568) Bad night (718)
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  (949): View more from California

  Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.

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  (949): Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame. http://tfl.nu/sj6o
  Replies (2) Good night (1277) Bad night (549)
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  (818): View more from California

  Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?

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  (818): Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"? http://tfl.nu/rwp7
  Replies (4) Good night (1491) Bad night (442)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?

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  (401): Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off? http://tfl.nu/34te
  Replies (6) Good night (424) Bad night (422)
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.

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  (501): If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you. http://tfl.nu/0j48
  Replies (0) Good night (642) Bad night (810)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.

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  (816): He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off. http://tfl.nu/akk3
  Replies (1) Good night (779) Bad night (444)

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