Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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