His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
