I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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