Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Randomize
