my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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