That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
