ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
do herpes really smell.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I think your dad took our porno
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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