I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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