and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
