Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
The struggles of a small town man whore
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
