Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
im on a boat
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