so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
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