Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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