the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
