Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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