I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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