Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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