ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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