I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
