I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
