Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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