I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
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keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
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And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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