dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
What happened to fro yo and sex?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
