Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
