And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
