Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
sex in a hospital.. check
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
