i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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