How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
