If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
