It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
