what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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