And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I wish they made helmets for livers.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
