Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize