I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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