I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
