I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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