the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
