i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
