I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
