I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
