I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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