well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
