You can't special order awesome
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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