the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
