For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
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Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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