Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
