Sry I called you an 8
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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