you turned your livingroom into a bong?
high people should be assigned attendants
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
