When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize