I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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