I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
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I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
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Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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