I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
