and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
