now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
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We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize