eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
