Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
