dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
