Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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