my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
