Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
